It’s raining right now. I think this is one of the things I miss. I moved to New Mexico 10 1/2 years ago after my son’s father and I split up, after he cheated on me. I moved to Indiana to be with him, dumb idea, but I wanted to make things work. We had a child very early on in our relationship. My son was NOT planned. But most things in life are not planned.

Anyways, I am not from New Mexico. It’s dry here. And I still haven’t figured out how to act like a local. That seems to be how life goes for me everywhere I move. I don’t really fit in but oh well. Anyways it’s raining tonight and the smell is intoxicating. I love to hear the rain hitting the pavement. I miss living in an area with trees. And NO I am not talking about the ones in people’s yards… I miss living in places with MORE trees. I have asked others who have moved here what they thought of how brown the landscape is and they also agree that they miss the green trees as well.

I don’t want to grow old here. But I don’t hate it. I can’t explain it. I just don’t feel like my life will be complete here. I told my husband that I want to try to plan our next trip. We tend to go to national parks, so keeping up with that theme… I have never been to the grand canyon. So maybe when things start to get better…eventually…we will go. Not now. But eventually.

I have other places on my list as well but I have to plan out places that I can see in a row.

In other news, today I got so much done. I cleaned my entire house. I have to organize rooms a bit but the cleaning is done. I was able to wake up on time and make gluten free paleo waffles for my youngest child and regular Belgium waffles for the rest of my family. I have finally found a good egg replacement for my daughter’s foods.

I have slowed down on making masks for right now. I make them a few days of the week now. I have been trying to plan my son’s homeschool curriculum out and spending more time with them. My back pain is getting better little by little ever since my doctor put me on Cymbalta for the Neuropathic pain. I still have the other pains that I am kind of stuck with until my other doctor schedules surgery. Still nothing from them though.

I have had over 2 years of pain in my back that severely limited what I would do, because I would suffer later. So to feel less pain and some days I am lucky enough to feel no pain. It’s amazing. My new pcp is amazing, where my older one ignored my medical concerns.

My MRI for my back pains is coming up next month. My doctor warned me that we may not find anything new, and to be prepared for that. But he also wants to take a look. So I mean, that’s better then the last doctor who didn’t even look, she didn’t bother at all. God I am so glad she retired.

I think when people hear that I have back pain, they try to associate it with pains they have felt…like when you pull a muscle. This is incorrect by the way… the pain is in my SPINE. INSIDE of it. The pain feels like someone is trying to go through my spine. Laying down is the only way to not get pain some days. But with these medications I can sit, I can stand, I can play with my kids. I don’t think people realize how much that much pain can take away from a person. The things I couldn’t do because I didn’t feel well, not because I was lazy.

I don’t know if I can call it chronic pain at this point. But it changed the quality of my life drastically. And to not be taken seriously by my doctor really hurt me.

At least we know that we have something for now to help.

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