I have my son 11 months out of the year, which is amazing. But this month is the one month of the year that he visits his father in Indiana. (We live in New Mexico, so it’s pretty far.) It’s always hard to send my child off to see his father. I appreciate the fact that his father does see him in the summers though, but it’s still hard to let a child go off. I only get 1x a week video chats while he is away (until I get him a cell phone at least). My son is only 10 years old, we have been doing this since he was about 3 years old. So I am relatively used to this.

My son’s father and I get along for the most part. We disagree about some things, but honestly, it could be worse. My son has two half brothers in Indiana, so he gets to hang out with them and his cousins. I am a child of divorce and I understand how important these trips are to a child, which is why I never fought them. The only thing I fought was child support and time frames of trips. I trust his father to take care of him, but my son has some issues as I mentioned in the past (adhd, etc) and its very difficult for him to understand that.

Today I dropped my son off at the airport, it was hard. But this year I didn’t cry, yet. I know he will miss his sister, so I sent him with photos, and told him I would skype him some more soon. I don’t know how his sister will do with out him, she is so used to seeing him around. I am sure she will miss him this month.

Cool cars at the airport (ps he is using the new backpack I got from Backpacks.com !)

We had a great week… this was his last week as a 5th grader in home school. While he is away I plan on working on the 6th grade curriculum. My neighbor offered for me to talk to his wife, who taught children for a long time. I might take him up on that offer, since he said she could possibly help me pick a curriculum for my son.

I have been picking up hours at work because the girl I work with is out for a bit. I am trying to not get too much on my plate though. I have been busy being depressed. We brought items over from my Grandma In Law’s house, and it’s been really hard to think she is no longer around. My depression is just kind of hitting hard this week. I made sure to take my medication, I had to stop for a few days because of other medication that made me sick.

In regards to issues I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago – my husband and I have gotten closer. This issue has brought us closer. I love the support I receive from him and I think he is understanding things a bit more. We have had more talks about certain issues. I also have a family member who reached out to me recently – and I am thankful for her. I am not going to mention names, or how she is related but she has been very supportive of my husband and I. And now we talk a bit more… it’s really nice.

I am feeling a bit better – besides the chemical imbalance that I suffer. I found out that my “vocal chord dysfunction” might be acting up. I have been thinking it was bronchitis, but I have been having very similar symptoms to my VCD diagnosis that I had a few years ago. So I am going to ask my doctor what I could possibly do to fix this.

I am going to try to write more often again. I fell off the band wagon for a bit. Too much going on emotionally with the death of two family members. It triggered my depression and I tend to get very withdrawn with depression. Thankfully I haven’t harmed myself in years. The thoughts still come and go. Self harm was something hard to break from. When I had my son almost 11 years ago, I promised him as a baby that I would not hurt myself. And I have kept that promise, even though I spent years hurting myself. The scars may not be visible anymore, but the feelings are still there.

Don’t worry I am safe. I will not harm myself. My children are everything to me. And I know that depression lies. #thebloggestribe

1 Comment on “Custody arrangements

  1. I am sorry your depression is hitting you hard right now but you are so strong for sticking to your promise not to self-harm again. I haven’t self-harmed for over 10 years now but you can still slightly see the scars if you look close enough which is something I have to accept now. Stay strong mama xo


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