Don’t let other’s bring you down… just don’t.

It’s irritating when people try to bring you down. It’s even more irritating when you realize you have been letting certain people make a negative impact in your life for far too long, with out speaking up for yourself, or the ones you love.

I make it fairly obvious that I suffer from MDD (major depressive disorder) and a social anxiety disorder. Don’t let the blog name fool you, I am an open book. I don’t have many secrets, and the ones I do have are pretty lame. I grew up all around the United States and learned how to read people. I told myself years ago while living in New Jersey that I would grow up to be a strong independent woman like my mother. A lot has happened in between. I have had two children, created a career for myself where I can work from home.

But I somehow still let certain people step on me.

My son has some mental illnesses… and it’s not fun. He has severe ADHD, a mood disorder (which we suspect is depression), sensory processing disorder and his PCP thought he might fall somewhere in the ASD scale…he doesn’t act his age and sometimes he can be a bit odd. But he’s a good person.

My son is not perfect. But I love him more than he could ever imagine. My son is learning and takes extra time and patience to teach him how to behave in “socially acceptable” ways to appease people who need everything rainbow coated in life. My son is 10 years old and he knows no different. He gets in trouble a lot because people don’t know how to deal with him. People get tired of him. And people… like a recent event that happened in my “family and friends”, dis-invite him to group gatherings.

When the “so called family member” texted me, instead of talking to me in person, I was shocked, for about a minute. Sorry to throw you off there, but this person is someone I see as being very selfish. I don’t care what family says right now, I have been told not to “write about it.” But this is MY place to write. I have been told that my friends on here are “random people” just today, by that family member. But the thing she doesn’t understand…or I guess care to know, is that I have actually known some of you for 13 or more years (which is longer than I have known her) and I actually have IRL friends here as well. This is how we keep in touch *waves to my friends from middle school*.

For the past 8 1/2 to 9 years, a certain person in my life has just always seemed a bit off. A bit more rude to people and less caring towards others. The way they decided to treat my son and I recently was the last straw. If you cannot talk to me in person about “behavior” you feel should be addressed, and tell me my child is not allowed somewhere, but that I can come around… then you don’t understand motherhood. YOU DO NOT DITCH YOUR CHILDREN.

My child is still, VERY MUCH a CHILD. He is not some unruly teenager full of angst and hate. He is a silly, kind of crazy, a bit annoying 10 year old. He talks a lot and likes to play fight. And if you don’t want him to play with your kid, then tell me and I can break it to him the way a mother SHOULD. It won’t kill us to not associate with you anymore. The only reason I will ever continue to see you is for the sake of my husband… who is linked to you because you are his SIL.

I will claim no family ties to you anymore. I have had to apologize to people who have mentioned you were rude multiple times, even recently. I have had to tell my family to ignore your rude comments for years. And I have had to put my own mental health on the side lines far too long.

If any family is reading this – just remember — Not everyone has to be friends. I know there are people YOU do not like to be around. But there is a line that was crossed recently and my children mean everything to me.

I will work on my son and I will teach him to appreciate himself. I will teach him to love himself. And to love others, even if they judge him harshly.

My son and I are on a brand new journey where I am homeschooling him. It is a ride all on it’s own, learning to teach a child with so many differences. I am enjoying seeing him every day. He is getting a lot better at home now. There are changes I see…now that he isn’t being bullied in school as well. My son used to tell me every day how much he hated school… because people bullied him. I know the kids’ names by heart that teased him the past few years. I knew what they called him. I had even witnessed it and reported it to the school. When people claim they know what issues my son had in school, they fail to mention what he has been through.

I am trying to heal a little person, who knows he is not “normal”. For all the moms out there with special children, you are doing an amazing job. Don’t let friends, family or anyone tell you otherwise. We take what we get. We have our children, and they might be a handful but they are OURS. They are ours to mold and teach to care for others, even if others shun them or fail to see the good parts in them.

This is about not letting you step on him, like you have tried to step on me.

I am keeping this post up. It’s my reminder to not let anyone bully me or my son again. I was bullied into thinking I needed to “delete” things on twitter to satisfy someone. But why?

Don’t let other’s bring you down. It is not worth your time. If you are in a situation like mine, right now or in the future… trust your instincts. Don’t be a fool and don’t conform. Be your self. I am going to teach my son that it is okay to be unique, but to also beware of those who are not there to help you in the long run.

This week has been hard because I didn’t get to hang out with any of my real friends, mostly because of this stupid cold. Everyone in my house has is, but I have horrible lungs apparently and mine decided to take in this cold like a freaking stray cat. So my best friend had to work out with out me, and I couldn’t talk on the phone much to my other friends because I couldn’t breathe. And get this …I couldn’t post stuff to my online friends because I was being harassed to “not post stuff”. So I was shut off away from my friends.

I found that I have some things to discuss with a therapist. Like how much I miss certain people who have recently passed away. I found myself crying about not being able to talk to my husband’s grandmother. She was always there for me. We emailed back and fourth about everything, I would call her when I needed to talk, and I would go to her home with the kids to visit. But she’s not here anymore for me to lean on. And this week I realized how much she has helped me deal with the stresses of knowing certain people. She would share her wise advice on how to deal with them.

And I miss her.

I mourn another person as well. My own grandmother, who lost her memories to Alzheimer’s years ago. She died recently as well. People just assumed I was okay with it. But no…I cried. I was named after this woman. I wanted her to know my children. The last time she looked at me, I was a stranger to her. But I will always remember her.

I have already come to terms that I will no longer be part of that “group”. But to me, I cannot and I will not choose some people over my own flesh and blood.

My son has been there for me through so much. He and I were abandoned by his father, for another woman. My son and I went through that loss together, no matter how young my son was, he was there for me. His little face gave me hope that I would some day find someone who would love him as much as I do. And I found that person in my husband. My husband has been there for me these past 9 years. He has been through the struggles with me, and my son.

I am happy he chose to be by my side during this battle that we are currently having in life. It shows me he really did make the commitment when we got married, to take my son on as his own flesh and blood. It gives me hope that my son will have someone to look up to and learn from.

I hope that over the years, all of our children will be able to see how great of a father they have. I am thankful to have a husband who loves me for who I am, who is faithful to me, and is someone I can trust 100%.

Sorry about this very long and personal post but it just bugs me when people try to step on me and my family. I think a lot of us get stuck in situations like these and often forget how to get out – or that we can take a breath.

I am here to say you can. In the mean time – I am going to focus on BOTH of my children’s health and my own.

We are currently waiting for my son to get a new therapist, which is going to be great, since his last one left when my daughter was born, this has been a rough year for my son. We tried a new therapist last year but they didn’t work out. Healthcare can be tricky.

I am trying to decide if I want to get him back into occupational therapy as well. Currently my daughter’s occupational therapy has been brought down to TWICE a month instead of weekly! She is making improvements daily! And we have an appointment this week with an allergist to talk about FPIES and see what other allergy advice we can get. We rescheduled her GI dr appt to August because she was sick this week with a bad cold. So we are always making improvements.

And I have decided to start recording and trying recipes online here for you all who have children with food allergies. I would like to share what I am learning about cooking for a child with FPIES to oats, wheat, rice, pineapple, broccoli , etc…

Thank you to all of my real friends and family for being supportive of me at all times. Thank you for private messaging me when you knew I was under attack on twitter. Thank you for reassuring me of so many things. I have made a few new friends from this situation as well, which is funny to say, but I had a ton of mothers online reach out to me, who have been through similar situations. Like almost IDENTICAL. And it really opened my eyes that I don’t have to go through this alone. And neither do you. (points to the moms out there struggling).

You just need to find your tribe. Mine happen to like really bad taxidermy. #thebloggesstribe

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