Tis the season

Tis’ the season…

I’m not sure if I am an introvert or not. I think I just don’t like people sometimes, or maybe it’s my social anxiety. Anyways I love/hate the holidays. I love seeing people, but I get emotionally exhausted after so much interaction.

I personally do enjoy family time, hanging out with friends, but I also need a break from events. I love hosting Thanksgiving, and I almost didn’t get to host this year, but things turned around. I will be hosting, like I have been for the last 9 years.

This year our celebrations will be smaller than they have in the past. We lost a family member, and then other’s will just not be present. Things will be fine, but I think I just miss my friends. I spend a lot of time online because most of my friends are not local. I have friends who grew up with me in various other states, and we all talk via Twitter, Discord, or Facebook.

I have had friends in the past not understand that when I talk about my “online” friends, they don’t understand the connection. Some of you all know me better than my own family. And some of you I know just as well… we are there for one another. And some of you, I have met.

My daughter and my father

My father came to visit us briefly yesterday. My father isn’t really present in my life. He shows up when he can, and that means…not often. I don’t share a very close relationship with him. My mother raised me.

But it was nice to see him for a little bit. We do struggle with our views though. I am very open to things, and I don’t just people on their religious views, sexuality or race. He is very opposite. He brings up how he is against Homosexuality, etc… and it’s always the same argument. I personally feel people have the right to choose. People can be themselves. I don’t care what your skin color is, I don’t care if you are a different religion. You can be straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, etc… I will call you by what ever pronouns you prefer. I honestly just people on if they are good people or not… I also don’t judge on age. I have plenty of friends here that are younger and older than me. I feel we all learn from one another. I have learned so much from you all.

So when family can’t get past certain things and they spew hate. It just confuses me. Why can’t we all get along?

I do it for my children. I suck it up. I allow my father to come by and I talk with him. I know he isn’t going to stay around long and we can stand a day or two together. He won’t ever agree with my views and I know I can’t change him. He hasn’t lived my life and I haven’t lived his.

Their meeting

My daughter is turning 2 in less than a month. And I am so excited to celebrate with the people who make time in their busy schedules to stop by and spend time with my daughter. I feel like the time with family is very important. She needs to see who she can rely on in life. I know she has amazing family that loves her so much. I hope she can always see that, no matter who decides to not be present.

I try to teach my son, who is quite a bit older, to rely on himself first and that he has family that will back him up. To not second guess himself.

He was not in town this week by the way, he is visiting my mother about 3 hours away for an early Thanksgiving. And in the mean time, I am kind of just getting stuff sorted out with my dogs, and my work. I needed a break and this is his “fall” break from home school.

Look what I found!

For my daughter’s birthday, I will be making the above cake for her. With her food allergies, I found this cake mix! I made it the other day to test it out and she CAN have it!

We are also going through food restrictions for my son. He has had stomach issues since birth that have been showing up more and more as he got older. Right now we are limiting SOY and MILK. And my mother noticed a difference ! She mentioned that she feels the restricted diet is working! So I have to let his doctor know, because I thought I saw a difference but I didn’t know if I was imagining things.

Ranger!

Dog update: We have been working with Ranger (Our new dog). And things are going pretty well! I have noticed he gets very shy around men, and he won’t enter a room with one. He tends to glue himself to me, literally, he will stick to my side. I am not sure what his old owner did to him. He and my other dog get along, but Ranger is also older, so he doesn’t really PLAY. He does get a bit frustrated when Gwen jumps on him, BUT he doesn’t get aggressive with my kids, which is great. He is just going to need more time to slowly adjust to our family. But … I am happy to say… He is adjusting. And I think he is happy here – he is smiling more… (see above photo)

That is a BIG difference from before… and we can always work on getting him to be okay with men…or at least the men in our family at least.

On Monday he will be getting his teeth cleaned, so I am anxious. I am nervous he will not trust me after this, BUT I want him to be healthy.

Finnegan

Since I am posting photos of my dog, Ranger. I may as well show off my amazing cat (Finnegan).

And my other dog, Gwendolyn…

Well – I do hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. We will enjoy the time we have with family that is around. I can’t wait to see certain people. I love the lights and colors of Christmas.

I am going to attempt a cooking video sometime soon about gluten free/rice free foods. I would like to obtain recipes to help others out that have the same or similar issues as my family.

Let me know the kind of recipes you would like to see! I am going to work on expanding on Gluten Free items. I would like to attempt some pasta recipes.

H- Pylori – what the heck is it?

This is my daughter (see above photo). And we are learning what H-Pylori is first hand this week. All last month my daughter had stomach problems, and they continued through this month, so I took her into the doctor’s office, where they took me seriously thankfully, and ordered a stool sample test. Last night, I got a text from the mychart app that my doctor’s office uses with these results.

So of course I googled what Helicobacter was, and of course we will need to start with a round of TWO different antibiotics AND something to reduce the acid in her stomach. I don’t know yet what else we will need, if anything. But the doctor did order the medication, which the pharmacy is out of, but they will get tomorrow. So tomorrow, I will talk to the pharmacist about how I will be giving these to my daughter, etc.

Of course, she still has a few more lab results we are waiting on from that same stool sample, but I am thankful that her recent stomach problems can be treated. We thought we were losing safe foods, because things that used to never make her sick were causing issues. In the mean time I need to be really careful about her diet though. She still has food allergies, and I don’t know how this medication will mess with her stomach.

Taken from WEB MD

Hopefully my daughter will be feeling a bit better by her birthday in a month. I can only hope. I feel bad that she has had to go through this for a month already, but really…. how could we know that this was H Pylori ? And not a food contamination related to her food allergies? It’s hard because they are very similar symptoms.

Anyways, I will update how she is doing with the new medication soon.

In other news… my son is doing better at playing the guitar. His music teacher was telling me that we are doing something right, because he is improving.

(Above) is a photo of my son at one of his lessons. I know he really wants to play the guitar, but setting up “practice” time is HARD. He just doesn’t want to practice. But he wants to play well. *sigh* he is learning that it takes practice to be good at something.

You can’t have everything right away.

Hey its me

And news with me, I lost 2 more lbs! YAY!! I am on a diet that is taking forever because I have little self control.

Hey at least I am honest. But I want to lose at least another 10 lbs before we try to get pregnant again, for health reasons. I am high risk.

So fingers crossed that I can get healthy, so we can add another little person to our family!!! 🙂

Hello Monday

I have been using Lightroom for a few days now to edit my photos, since my new camera uses RAW CR3 files, and my older version of Photoshop Elements did not support that specific file, and I really don’t LOVE Lightroom yet. I find it annoying that this program slows down my computer so much, just to edit some light/colors. I am paying monthly for it, so maybe I will get a new computer soon. This one is actually new – but it’s not fast enough for editing apparently.

I was thinking of getting my son a computer so I may just get myself a slightly faster computer for myself and give him this one – this one is legit less than a year old, so I think he won’t care. Heck I know he won’t care, he’s 11 and he isn’t spoiled, he legit takes what I give him.

Ever since we decided to put our youngest on only ‘gluten free” labeled foods, I have noticed a change in her stomach issues. These issues have been going on for over a month, and they seem to be getting a little better at least. So it looks like we might have a lead on what is causing issues (contamination, or what ever). I am going to make sure all the food she has around the holidays is gluten free only, no cutting corners.

I am sending out her invitations to her second birthday this week – I will be making them today. I was going to use one of the photos I took today for the invites.

I love this new camera but I am still pissed off about the issues we are having with Amazon.

So here is the deal, in case you didn’t know already or if you don’t follow me on Twitter.

My husband bought me a Canon 90D from Amazon, and when it came in the mail he opened it to make sure it was not broken before he gave it to me. When he opened the box (that was clearly labeled Canon 90D). This is what we got…(See photo)

The box has a EOD Rebel T7i inside of it INSTEAD of the Canon 90D….

So the box had the WRONG camera in it!

My husband told me immediately, since this was a gift for our 3 year anniversary (of being married), we have been together 9 years now. Anyways, I told him to contact Amazon ASAP and things seemed to be going smoothly at first, they told us we could return it for a full refund!

Then we shipped the package back and they emailed us and told us we had to return the Canon 90D, because what we sent them was a Rebel…. NO SHIT. So now they are refusing to refund us….

The Canon 90D currently costs $1,200 for just the body alone (which is what we ordered). The Rebel T7i currently costs $600, so that is HALF the cost. Yes we are pissed. So we are currently trying to prove to Amazon that we did not fraud them and that apparently who ever bought the camera before us and obviously returned a different camera, fraud-ed them…and us apparently.

Anyways – because it was not my fault – the whole camera issue. My husband did take me to Best Buy and he bought me the correct camera already. (I didn’t force him to, he just wanted to) and we opened that damn box up in the store to check and make sure it was the correct one! And it was, thankfully. So I am currently using a Canon 90D, not the one we initially ordered because some idiot frauded Amazon and then Amazon sold that one to us and fucked us over for the cost.

We may be getting rid of Amazon Prime…. and we have a lot set up with Amazon. I have movies, music, and monthly orders through them. But even today, my husband said he ordered all his stuff for his wood working projects on another website because now he feels he can’t trust Amazon.

We are still fighting them – and I am going to make sure they know I am pissed about this decision. My husband and I have been members since 2003 apparently (my husband looked at his account) and I have been on the site around the same amount of time, so you would think that Amazon would know we wouldn’t be the ones frauding them… right? I don’t think I have ever returned an item….

Anyways that is what we are dealing with and its frustrating because it’s the holiday season and we are out $1,200 right now. What a lovely anniversary gift amazon….

Other than that, not much else is going on. My daughter is having a few tests run to see if we can rule out a few issues with her stomach. I am learning how to feed a child who might have Celiac. My son is going to his grandmother’s this week – I needed a break and she wanted to see him. So he will get this week off from home school instead of next week.

Both of our dogs are doing well – the new dog is super shy and only follows me around (he avoids my husband still) I am not sure if he has issues with men… I know the person who took him to the humane society was a male…but that’s all we know. Ranger, the new dog, doesn’t like to be outside alone. So he is inside with me a lot. Where, Gwen, our other dog, doesn’t care and will hop along happily outside.

As you can see here – she enjoys sitting on our winter pool cover *ROLLS EYES*

Oh yes- today my daughter turned 23 months old…. PHOTO TIME!

This week, my goal is to clear out items from my house that I no longer use. I want to get rid of clutter. I know, being a mom, there will be clutter. But I have stuff in closets that I never use. So I need to clear stuff out before Christmas hits.

I am also thinking of selling my old cameras… I have two used Canons. I have a Canon 30D and a Canon T3i, both are in good shape. I need to look up what the going cost is for them currently. I am just thinking of selling the body – no lenses. But I don’t need so many cameras. They will just collect dust and maybe I can find a college student who is looking for a used camera in good shape – for a decent price.

If I end up posting them on ebay – I will let you all know here too.

I need to find boxes for them, since I am fairly sure I no longer have the original boxes because my husband keeps making me clean out my junk from the closets in my office since I tend to keep EVERYTHING.

Happy Fall

On an end note – If I find the motivation… I may do some videos on gluten free foods or photo blog how to make certain things, since I know other moms are going through the same struggles I am going through feeding a child with FPIES to Oats, Wheat, Rice, Broccoli and Pineapple.

Accidentally here – Gluten Free / Homeschool /ADHD / Food Allergies

These past few days have been a bit of an eye opener for me. I felt alone and cried over some stupid things. I felt like a failure as a mother because my daughter keeps having stomach issues, but after realizing that IF she has Celiac… I am not to blame. I know people who have it and contamination happens.

My two children ❤

Today I spoke to my husband and alerted him of one issue… so we are not testing for Celiac for a few months because of my daughter’s age and the fact that she is literally allergic to wheat, so introducing Gluten to her is going to be tough for a real test.

The issue is … IF we actually get a positive result… we may need to get a bunch of new kitchen appliances…. everything we have has been used to cook so much Gluten. My husband actually suggested we just go fully Gluten free IF we get a positive diagnosis eventually. So that might be our house hold….of course we are going to make some positive changes right now in the meantime.

We won’t be replacing all of our stuff just yet – we are going to go through the testing process and I am going to trial rice again soon. (Yes, my daughter also has a rice allergy).

What can you do?

So the subject… here is what I feel about life right now.

I am an accidental homeschooler, accidentally gluten free, accidentally falling into these things that are so “popular” to be doing right now. But I don’t fit IN… not with the people who do them because its “cool”. I joined groups on facebook for these topics and the communities vary… some of the homeschool groups are just brutal…they HATE public schools so much… and I am not in FULL hate with public schools. I ended up home schooling because my son has health issues (ADHD, Mood disorder, and sensory processing disorder), which caused us so many issues and the public school situation just disappointed me, so we chose to home school eventually. And its working for us!

As for the Gluten free stuff…. again…. lets start with my son who has ADHD, I found over the years that if I limit gluten intake, he behaves better! There is some stuff written about it as well – along with certain food dyes. Anyways we have been slowly introducing all of that stuff for a bit and then… my daughter was born… with FPIES…a food allergy- and her trigger foods SO FAR – are wheat, oats, rice, broccoli and pineapple…she also MIGHT have Celiac…we are still in the testing phase, while trying to rule out other things….

My youngest

So we are starting to become “that family” with the gluten free rules, food allergies, I am the mom at the store with both of my kids and people ask my son why he isn’t in school… well… we have more of a flexible schedule so we can go to the store, and then resume classes. I am finally falling into a routine. Home schooling is getting easier….

I still don’t fit in…. not with the moms who choose to do this because they hate the public school system…. I admit I have issues with it. But NOT EVERYONE CAN HOME SCHOOL.

I am lucky….

I worked from home anyways –

I have a job that is VERY flexible…

I have a husband who can provide for me and both of my kids…

I get child support still for my son and that helps pay for his medical and home school stuff… so I mean I am very lucky. A lot of moms…. and dads work full time – late shifts, or struggle with bills. I know people who would love to home school but can’t.

I am going to blog these transitions to let you all know how it goes…but also to show other moms who might be going through the same situations that you are not alone. Shitty stuff happens, family members who are supposed to support you act like idiots and kick you out of groups via text, people break promises, the school lets you down, and when you need your friends, sometimes they have stuff going on as well… and can’t be there for you.

But you can do it.

I found my support online, via facebook, via twitter, and discord. I have friends across a few platforms and I don’t have to be alone.

Don’t feel bad for feeling bad…

Cry…

Let yourself feel things – never lock your emotions away.

Me trying to make myself look happy

I suffer from major depressive disorder and am very very used to hiding my feelings from so many people. I have been more honest in real life and online about my feelings and I have been able to just be more free.

If someone can’t accept me when I am at my most depressed, then they don’t need to be in life when I am at my best / most happiest…

What changed me this year? I have always been a bit out spoken, I grew up in New Jersey… but someone I loved, someone who always supported me these last 9 years passed away. And I don’t have her to talk to anymore. (This was my Grandma in Law). She was always there for me – and she used to agree with me and I would talk to her about issues I was going through and she was there…. and now shes not. And I found myself crying a lot…because I miss that relationship that was amazing to have.

I may not have her here anymore but I can imagine her response to my problems, and her reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

My relationship with my MIL & FIL has gotten so much better as well – which is great. I am glad that my kids can have a good relationship with their grandparents.

Somehow – things are working themselves out. I have a few things I want to fix…but I am working on things one at a time.

Practice shot from my new camera

In the meantime – I am going to practice using my new camera – I want to get my hobby back. I may do some more driving to get some shots I have wanted to get – but have put off for too long. I am going to start cooking more home made Gluten free stuff and I may make a section on this blog for that too… so if anyone has any things you would like me to try to make, let me know!

I am the accidental mom 😉 Just trying to grow my family – one day at a time.

Being a mother to a child with food allergies… or possibly Celiac

This is Lily

My daughter has FPIES. And for the last few months we have gone symptom free, for the most part. We avoided trigger foods and opened up to new recipes and were able to introduce home made and store bought paleo pizza, muffins, and crackers (all wheat, oat and rice free), to Lillian.

Today I sit here in my living room with a head ache. I feel like a failure, but I know we will find the answer soon.

Last month, my daughter started to have horrible diarrhea. It would come and go, I would go back to only feeding her eggs and toddler milk and it would clear up, and then we would feed her again and it would come back. We have a trigger food that we are having a horrible time identifying. It could be anything…

It’s been a month and her stools have still been off. She started to get blisters with her diaper rash. I tried a few different brands of butt paste and they just didn’t work. So we finally took her in to her doctor for an RX. We have a butt paste that is compounded now, and we are hoping to see improvement with it. (Insurance did not cover this, but we thankfully can afford the $65 price tag).

I feel overwhelmed…and I will tell you why.

The doctor and I had a talk about my daughter’s FPIES…and that we usually get vomiting with a reaction…not just diarrhea…

Celiac disease…

She was tested for it last year, but soon after, I found out from a friend that since we are on a gluten free diet anyways, the tests would be invalid.

This was brought up again yesterday at the doctor’s visit… retesting is not an option right now. My daughter is FPIES to Oats, Wheat, Rice, Pineapple and Broccoli. That means, if we wanted to test for Celiac we would have to introduce her to a gluten product, most likely wheat, which makes her vomit profusely and causes her to go limp.

I won’t put her through that.

Now kids CAN out grow FPIES, and her last reaction to wheat was January 2019. It was a reaction to licking a spoon, that was used to put DRY cream of wheat in a bowl. It had the DUST from the cream of wheat… not even a tsp. And she threw up for hours….

We are not scheduled for a food trial until January 2021. Her doctors felt that she was severe enough to wait until she was at least 3 years old.

So no test – no wheat – no testing for Celiac right now either. BUT….

Why do we think it might be celiac?

So lately I have been getting bold… instead of getting items that say “gluten free” I have been relying on the ingredients list. I thought, well… many people say they can have this item and they are FPIES to the same stuff we are ….

It has been since I introduced these items that we have started having issues…. the ingredients don’t say wheat but they could have contamination…

FPIES is vomiting – or bloody stools… usually. Not just Diarrhea…

Celiac includes the diarrhea and various other things as well – BUT both the GI and PCP said it was a possibility since we are very careful about exposure, that if these items had enough gluten to make her sick enough to just bother her tummy a bit – we may get this reaction.

The goal is – to only eat ‘certified gluten free’ foods.

Which is hard. For us.

My daughter has a rice allergy…. please look in your local gluten free section and tell me what percentage of foods my daughter can eat….

Not much…

So I have to go Gluten free – but ….with a Paleo twist…

It’s possible…we just have to be VERY picky.

My head hurts today.

I feel like everything I do doesn’t make a difference. I feel alone. And I feel like my family thinks I am the crazy mom.

I have good friends – and family but they don’t live this (with the exception of my friend Kerri, who also has a multitude of food allergies, I am thankful to have her to complain to). *Waves to Kerri*

I am looking for Paleo recipes that I can fit into my schedule – that I can make certified gluten free – so we can see if we can get rid of these tummy issues with my daughter. We are currently trying to rule out any other possible issues until we can get her tested for Celiac… but until then we have to live the life. As if she has Celiac.

To all the moms out there – or if you have celiac or other food allergies – let me know your struggles – let me know where you shop. What do you do?

I am also on another journey with my other child, Calvin. For personal health reasons we are trying to cut milk and soy out of his diet… and milk is not too hard to cut out but soy…. god help me SOY is in everything….

Living soy free – is nearly impossible. Unless you make everything yourself.

But here I am a home schooling mother of 1, toddler mom of 1 other, and I do still work from home PRN as a medical coder online. I am expected to keep the house neat, teach my children, take care of our pets, and be a loving wife. I suffer from migraines, severe depression, social anxiety and today I feel sad… I feel self pity. I just want to cry.

I know what we are going through is small compared to what others go through – but it’s my struggle. As a mother – it’s hard to see your child suffer while you try to figure out what is going on inside of them.

I have an amazing MIL and FIL who have been supportive of me – and I think them for that. They remind me that I am a good mom.

We still haven’t gotten an apology from my BIL/SIL for the horrible thing they said about my son (when they kicked him out of a group get together, see my older posts for that information). So their support is non existent right now. My own mother is very supportive. I wish more of my family lived closer.

Update on homeschooling: We found a program over a month ago that is working for US. It’s called Acellus Power House, Home school. It’s online. I also just bought my son a subscription to curiosity stream and he is loving it.

Sorry for the rant – I just feel overwhelmed today.

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